How Not to Let Stress Gobble You Up

I skipped yoga class yesterday because my to-do list was epic.

I was bummed.

I also waited too long to eat. And forgot to hydrate. It wasn't pretty.

I talk a lot about parent regulation as key to being available for our kids. I use observations from my own life and the play therapy room to understand how small and tall humans cope with stressors.

While some real crises are much bigger than we are, I have faith that tuning into them means we have options for adapting. This requires cultivating the skills to dip out of stress and busy-ness from time to time, before it depletes us.

Kids feel this way, too: Some moments of intensity threaten to gobble them up!

Therapists and neuroscientists call this being "outside your window of tolerance," or going beyond "how much stress we can take without freaking out!"

Chronic stress makes us crispy around the edges…and irritable

We see our kids travel this road often. Sometimes flipping their lid several times in a single day.

Tantrums, stalling, backtalk, defiance, and rudeness are par for the course. And, if you're at your max too—things can get absolutely explosive!

It makes sense that they aren't able to listen, clam down, or stop, even though you've clearly said "STOP."

They are still building self-driving skills...toggling the accelerator and brakes is some advanced executive functioning. They can't do it reliably...yet.

And especially not under stress, hunger, or poor sleep, when they are under-hydrated, exhausted, or their cousins are watching. They just...can't.

This means upsets can get messy. For all of us.

Pausing the drama is WAY easier said than done.

So allow me to suggest: Not saying a word. They're not listening anyway.

Here are six things I'm doing to regulate myself & kids in 5 minutes or less.

Of course, popping some bubbles and doing jumping jacks aren't magic fixes. But it does S L O W down our reactions. And vent our indignance. So we can think better, and respond with more intention.

Most behaviors are not an emergency.

So we can take a beat to check in with ourselves and re-route the stress of the moment to a target other than our kids.

They are counting on us to regulate them.

Today I'll hit the pool after work. It's one of my favorite ways to unwind. And I will not be put off-track. Because I NEED this reset.