Being a Lighthouse ✨
Anyone else getting some BIG questions from small humans lately?
The world has a lot of forces at work—always—but A LOT of challenges are showing up right now. Exhaustion and quick frustration are part of that dynamic. In other words: We are feeling it! So are our kids.
With the school year settling, we often see patterns of stress coping ramp up. It takes many kids the first six weeks of school to learn the routine and relax into it. It's also normal for it to take longer, especially with sensitive kiddos. And just when they get it down, the lessons get more challenging.
That's on top of all the intensity of the world around us/them.
Settling requires clear signals of safety.
We receive those from inside our own bodies—tough to discern if we run anxious or have a highly sensing system.
We perceive safety outside and around us in our environment—which means we're looking for cues in our physical spaces and community faces.
And we register felt safety between us and others in relationships. This means kids are looking for cues from parents, teachers, and one another that all is well. That we've got them.
But all is not well. There is much to grieve. And we adults are carrying a lot.
We're in the midst of a stressful season of natural disasters and war. With political leaders wandering in circles. Healthcare workers and teachers are rallying to be heard and supported. Transphobic rhetoric and racist sentiments are churning.
This is not what safety feels like. No wonder our hackles are up.
We don't have to pretend otherwise. In fact, please don't. The fake-it-til-we-make-it approach to soothing is like a blanket made of Swiss cheese...it doesn't offer good coverage or warmth...and the longer we use it, the more it stinks!
What to do instead? Soothe ourselves first.
This week, for me, that means eating homemade bread, walking miles, taking an online art class, and reaching out to friends.
I'm not fixing anything. I'm listening. Learning. Softening my heart.
So I can take in more. And feel flooded less.
This lets me be a resource and co-regulator in my family, my community, and stay hopeful in the midst of grief.
I don't have answers, friends. I have many of the same questions you do.
But I'm not willing to ignore the tugging in my belly and the restlessness in my sleep. Those are my cues that soothing is necessary. That reaching out is required. So we're not alone with our grief and worry. So we can carry on, and—as we parents do—take care of someone else.
Here are some immediately useful ways to soothe yourself, increase resilience, and amplify an immediately available sense of safety. So we can reflect that back to our kids.
We learn to find safety in the wider world by recognizing it, not making it.
We are their anchors in this very moment. They must borrow from us.
Boosting safety inside our own bodies...
Drawing mandala art for beginners
Swimming, bubble bath, hot tub—remember how buoyancy feels
Walk, run, ride a bike to discharge energy & give adrenaline a job
Create safety outside and around us in our environment...
A quick meditation for a practical shift in perspective. Melissa Tiers is no-BS, brief, directive, and real. That boosts safety for me.
Hit the forest trails, spend time near water, or visit a pumpkin patch…nature understands cycles and stamina.
Register felt safety between us and others in relationships...
Learn about the history of storytelling in Palestinian embroidery
Consider supporting Children of Peace advocating for the children of Israel and Palestine – regardless of culture, faith, gender, heritage.
Call or go for a stroll with a friend.
Listen to a podcast hosted by a voice you trust, about how colleagues and peers are finding hopefulness, taking action, and educating themselves. These conversations often have a different tone and intention than the news.
Sending care + encouragement in this very moment…