Does bad behavior get all the candy?!
It's family movie night, and I'm ready for a little magical retreatism.
We're finally seeing Wonka, and while I'm curious about the backstory of the famous wacky candy maker—I really want to talk to you about those rascally Wonka caricatures of "bratty" and "greedy" kids in the original classic. You know the ones I mean?
Augustus Gloop (drowned in chocolate 🍫) and Violet Beauregard (turned into a giant blueberry🫐)—those kids who push patience and gratitude out of the way, so they can run head-long toward what they want!
Their insolence and disrespect are so over-the-top—that we actually root for them to meet their fitting demise!
That's what BIG behaviors do; they get our hackles up and make us want to zing💥 them into submission! They stir the pot and make us question "what's wrong with them" and "don't they know better"??
Of course, they do!
When kids' behavior is off-track, it's not because they are truly part-turkey.
A stressed, hungry, scared, or frustrated kid can't access their coping skills.
There's an essential distinction between CAN'T and WON'T.
They're not being rude or disrespectful intentionally. They are struggling. It's our job to help anchor them, so they can practice finding another path.
We have to show them the way without upping the ante.
When you've been clear and consistent, and they know the rules and expectations—we can be confident something else is getting in the way.
All the stressors and button-pushers, fears, what-ifs, and stress reactions can be boiled down to 4 essential threats that throw us into fight-flight-freeze (and crazy-making behavior).
So, on the brink of Summer break, when kids' whole rhythm is topsy-turvy, it's no wonder their behavior is, too! Here are 3 ways to help your kids (and yourself) get a grip on what's happening next.
🛼 🛼...Get bodies moving...Regulation starts in the body.
Engaging the senses, using large muscles, and getting hearts pumping can do A LOT for digesting stress. For many kids, the pool is a fabulous way to shut out overwhelm and anxiety because it dampens sensory input and they experience buoyancy—as well as relief from the heat! Our bodies are a primal portal for resetting our emotional capacity. Biking, running, soccer or the trampoline are great options to include in a regular routine.
🎉 Scheduling Party!!
A great antidote to The Unknown is making transitions predictable.
Once a week, break out the balloons and noise makers for making a visual schedule of day camps, outings, social events, pool time, movie days. Plan a day, then hit a balloon around to seal the deal. Plan another day, and make some noise! Plan another, and do a little dance! Especially for anxious kids, this helps them digest uncertainty about what's coming up and invites a chance to talk details, one day at a time.
Some of our brains get lots true joy out of the lead-up to vacations & parties and planning all the details—while other brains can only relax when they know what to expect and that someone else has it handled. This ritual can also ease the uncertainty of transition days between two homes.
⏱️ Special Time...
Undivided 1:1 time helps kids feel seen, soothed, and secure
While you're at the Scheduling Party, include 2x this week when you can give 10 minutes of 1:1 time. When that moment arrives:
Set a timer for 10 whole minutes
Ignore everything else (within the bounds of safety)
Follow your child's lead, give your full attention, and lean into their awesomeness
Some of the most annoying behaviors are attention seeking! So imagine how that pattern can shift if we frontload our interactions and grease the wheels of give and take by giving that attention first—instead of them persistently fishing for it.
So your nervous systems can relax and enjoy a handful of sun-warmed berries 🍓 And a quiet moment with a book. Ahh, Summer!